A regular relationship... in an irregular world.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Hot Damn!


She comes home TOMORROW! I can't wait. I've missed her so. What should I do for her? She's been gone for over three weeks and is EXHAUSTED. Any suggestions?

xoxo,
Ms.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Holy Housing Prices Batman!



I recently read an article in the LA Times about how the median cost of an LA county house has breached the 500k mark. Half a million bloody dollars! That's like buying 20 houses in Alabama. Okay... I exaggerate - a hair. Maybe five houses. Nice ones.

Ms. and I have been mulling over the idea of investing in an LA condo or NY co-op. We are bi... coastal. Bad joke? Contemplating such a purchase involves a lot more than signing over half your pay check each week to Fidelity. For us, being an unmarried couple, it involves all sorts of things I've never heard of - gifting taxes, rights of survivorship, [insert more things I don't know]. It is completely overwhelming.

I realize though, that people dumber and less resourceful than us purchase houses every day. It's small comfort; 500k is still a lot of money. But if nothing else, I hear they make good pie in Alabama.

Cheers,
Miss

Monday, June 19, 2006

Coming out of the Office Supply Closet


Miss and I were scandalous and met at work. We actually began our relationship and rode through those early electric moments with stolen kisses and prolonged gazes behind every one else's backs, in bathrooms (another advantage to the female/female equation), and in the parking lot. Ahem... we won't go into that one.

Anyhow, we decided to keep it hidden for a couple of reasons. One: inter-company relationships were not exactly looked favorably upon by the powers that be, and Two: the inherent juciness of gossip surrounding two girls hooking up was UNDENIABLE. I won't deny it either: there is a part of having a hidden/forbidden relationship that is H.O.T.

However, there comes a time when you get sick of hiding. Almost a year into our relationship, that time has come with us. So lately, Miss and I have been casually informing long time co-workers not only of our sexuality, but also of OUR sly affair. Truthfully -- it's been quite fun. So far everyone has been great about it. It's not so bad, because we are actually not working with the same company right now (we freelance), and so the hurdle of frowning bosses is thankfully passed. What a blessing to be able to go to dinner parties as a couple instead of as "good friends!"

Except I'd be lying if I didn't admit: from time to time, I do miss those clandestine escapes to the bathroom.

xoxo,
Ms.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

I miss Miss.


She's traveling. Working. In the last month i've seen her a total of six days. That was over two weeks ago. One week to go. Sigh! I bought cat food today. Did laundry. Caught up on Tivo. When did I become like this over somebody? What is happening to me? I've become one of those lovesick fools. Who would of guessed?

Look at me turning to you for comfort. The nameless, faceless mass YOU. This is what technology has become to us. It's fascinating really. Isn't it? (she asks like you will answer) Obviously... this missing Miss thing is getting to me.

until next time
~ Ms.

Monday, June 05, 2006

The Same-Sex Marriage Issue



This week the Senate is voting on whether to pass an Amendment to the Constitution that would ban same-sex marriage. As you might imagine, I have such vehement disagreement with this possibility that the level of frustration, hurt, anger, etc. is extreme. So much so, that I find it difficult to even type this coherently, without going into a ridiculous rant based on emotion. Let’s try to look at the blanket facts and leave our seething anger out of it, shall we?

President Bush says, “Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society.” Well, Mr. Bush, ages of experience have taught us that the true commitment of any PERSON to another PERSON to love and serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society. Gender is irrelevant. Some families produce happy, well-adjusted children, some produce dysfunctional terrors on society – and you will not find that the gender balance of the parents has anything to do with it.

Sometimes people ask “Well, why do you need a law to get married anyway?” Pointing out, quite innocently, that “When I got married, it wasn’t for the legal document, it was for the chance to stand up in front of family and friends and declare my love for ____.” I have to agree. Truth is, I was married once upon a time – to a man. The same was true. The legal implications didn’t begin to occur to us. We were college sweethearts and wanted to tie the knot. Of course, youth, life, and other factors led to a shockingly uncomplicated walk-away divorce five years later. So much for the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman.

Here I find myself today, older, wiser and more in touch with who I am, what I want, etc. I am in love with Miss. How one quantifies love, I cannot tell you, however, this time it feels different. This time, when I think of the possibility of committing the rest of my life to this person, it makes my heart swell and I feel deep in my soul that it is the right thing to do. It was never like this the first time, with a man. So, why not just have a ceremony and stand up in front of family and friends and declare our love? That’s what marriage really means, right? True. And yes, we will do that. But this time around, I find that it DOES mean something to have the legal document. Somehow, when it was legal for me to marry, I took that part for granted. That’s why it didn’t occur to me as being “a reason.” First of all, there are issues like taxes and joint assets without having to worry about “gifting taxes,” and rights of survivorship. There are so many financial hurdles one has to navigate in a non-legal marriage. Yes we live in California, so we have the very limited state benefits thanks to Civil Union, but check out what we don’t have on a federal level:

Because lesbians and gay men cannot marry, they have no right to . . .

•Accidental death benefit for the surviving spouse of a government employee;

•Appointment as guardian of a minor;

•Award of child custody in divorce proceedings;

•Beneficial owner status of corporate securities;

•Bill of Rights benefits for victims and witnesses;

•Burial of service member's dependents;

•Certificates of occupation;

•Consent to post-mortem examination;

•Continuation of rights under existing homestead leases;

•Control, division, acquisition, and disposition of community property

•Criminal injuries compensation;

•Death benefit for surviving spouse for government employee

•Disclosure of vital statistics records;

•Division of property after dissolution of marriage;

•Eligibility for housing opportunity allowance program of the Housing, Finance and Development Corporation;

•Exemption from claims of Department of Human Services for social services payments, financial assistance, or burial payments;

•Exemption from conveyance tax;

•Exemption from regulation of condominium sales to owner-occupants;

•Funeral leave for government employees;

•Homes of totally disabled veterans exempt from property taxes;

•Income tax deductions, credits, rates exemption, and estimates;

•Inheritance of land patents;

•Insurance licenses, coverage, eligibility, and benefits organization of mutual benefits society;

•Legal status with partner’s children;

•Making, revoking, and objecting to anatomical gifts;

•Making partner medical decisions;

•Nonresident tuition deferential waiver;

•Notice of guardian ad litem proceedings;

•Notice of probate proceedings;

•Payment of wages to a relative of deceased employee;

•Payment of worker's compensation benefits after death;

•Permission to make arrangements for burial or cremation;

•Proof of business partnership;

•Public assistance from the Department of Human Services;

•Qualification at a facility for the elderly;

•Real property exemption from attachment or execution;

•Right of survivorship to custodial trust;

•Right to be notified of parole or escape of inmate;

•Right to change names;

•Right to enter into pre-marital agreement;

•Right to file action for nonsupport;

•Right to inherit property;

•Right to purchase leases and cash freehold agreements concerning the management and disposition of public land;

•Right to sue for tort and death by wrongful act;

•Right to support after divorce;

•Right to support from spouse;

•Rights and proceedings for involuntary hospitalization and treatment;

•Rights by way of dour or courtesy;

•Rights to notice, protection, benefits, and inheritance under the uniform probate code;

•Sole interest in property;

•Spousal privilege and confidential marriage communications;

•Spousal immigration benefits;

•Status of children;

•Support payments in divorce action;

•Tax relief for natural disaster losses;

•Vacation allowance on termination of public employment by death;

•Veterans' preference to spouse in public employment;

•In vitro fertilization coverage;

•Waiver of fees for certified copies and searches of vital statistics.

Thank you to Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays for this information. (PFLAG)

Finally, I find myself confused at the amount of hatred surrounding this issue. Write a deliberate act of discrimination into the Constitution? Seriously? I get it if you don’t understand homosexuality and want no part of it. Miss and I don’t particularly want to come over for dinner, if that’s what you’re thinking. But why, oh why would you deny us a basic Constitutional right? Marriage means something to me now more than ever – and I did it “legally” the first time. Isn’t it ironic that when I am mature enough to finally love someone and “promote the welfare of [my future] children and the stability of society,” I am being fought against and the suggestion has been argued that my choice be BANNED. Mr. Bush, I have many reasons not to like you or support you, but I am mostly sorry for you. Apparently, you don’t understand our forefathers' plan for a FREE country, our Constitution, marriage, or for that matter - love.

~ Ms.