Happy New Year!!

Cheers! and Smooch! and Auld Lang Syne! (whatever the hell that means...) It's almost 2007 and I'm feeling good about the upcoming year.

Be safe and laugh at someone who is drunker than you tonight... (as if)

xoxo,
Ms.

Out with the Old...

Miss and I wanted this blog to be a happy New Year message, but with the execution of Saddam Hussein, it feels downright irresponsible not to address such a major occurrence.

Certainly, Saddam was a violent dictator and no one I would want to be in the presence of for even a moment. That said, I can't help but feel cold when I see the news footage of the black hooded executioners walking him through his final moments. Not because I think it is tragic that this man's life is ending - rather, I feel this act has just made a martyr of a demon. George Bush is busy reminding us that this is an important step in the war on terror, and I can't help but conclude - ONCE AGAIN -- the true stupidity of our president. This act will cause more violence, more terrorism, and more hate than it would have to let that man rot in prison for the rest of time. He would have faded, and now... we've helped to assure he will be remembered in the public's eye as bravely facing his own death, and from his own supporters as a further symbol of cause to fight.

Yes, it's been quite a week of endings - James Brown, Gerald Ford, Saddam Hussein, and now 2006. A tough year for quite a few people indeed, Miss and I wish you a happier 2007. In this next year, may your life be easier, happier, healthier, wealthier, all of those things - but above all - we wish you peace - and all that means to you.

Happy New Year,
Ms. & Miss

Sweet!

Dude! First of all -- I just found out that Sarah Paulson - of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip fame - is a girl who likes girls!! Secondly -- I just began a blog with "Dude!"

(Give me a break, I'm exhausted from eating about a zillion calories in holiday food for the last week, and I am now nursing a nasty cold.)

Until next time,
Ms.

Peace on Earth, good will to men...

It's Christmas Eve-Eve, and Miss and I will be busy eating and opening presents for the next couple of days, so today shall be our slightly early Christmas blog. I was looking for a happy bit of news about acceptance, in keeping with the holiday spirit of peace. Sadly, that was a hard task. So I figure I'll tell you my own story.

As I've said, Miss and I are in New York for the holidays, and - as expected - we've included the must-do activities of a trip to the city. For one, we went high-brow one night and caught Rigoletto at the Met. Sitting next to Miss was one very elderly gentleman, appearing to be in his nineties. He noticed a ring on her finger that I had given her last year as an anniversary gift. He said it reminded him of a ring he had given his wife, and then noted he had found it in her effects after she passed away. He seemed to like Miss very much (how could you not), and he took every opportunity between acts to speak with her. He really was very sweet.

Miss and I thoroughly enjoyed the opera, and although the elderly gentleman made me a touch sad, I couldn't deny that I was delighted that he found us as acceptable to talk to as anyone, even though Miss and I held hands, or had a hand on one another's knee throughout the show. A man two generations ahead of our own, and he was as open and willing to share a story of his own late love with another couple in love, albeit a different kind of couple.

After the opera, we said our goodbyes to our elderly friend and exited the theatre. We stood outside of Lincoln Center, feeling good despite the tragic end of Rigoletto, and admired the tall Christmas tree, decorated with large twinkling snowflake lights. As we stood in the chilled night air, we began to hear people singing. It seemed an impromptu gathering of carolers had formed and they were singing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing!" Folks young and old, families, friends, and couples stood and sang Christmas hymn after Christmas hymn. Miss and I grasped hands and walked into the middle of the group, where we were welcome to stand and sing our hearts out as well. Peace on Earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled.

Merry Christmas,
Ms.

Here we are - happy golden days...

It's the holiday season and Miss and I are spending it together. We made it out of LA, despite a stupid airline, and currently we are in New York visiting her family. I've received my first ever Hanukkah present - thankfully no underwear yet, and life is good and busy with holiday bustle. We will spend the next week here before going to visit my family.

Okay, this is going to sound a little corny, but I have to say, it has occured to Miss and me both that while going to see our families is wonderful, we are most happy to just be toegether. It's as if the weight of "family importance" has shifted somewhat from them - to us. Truly, it's quite gratifying to be at the stage in my life and relationship with Miss where we no longer accept spending the holidays apart, with each other's respective families. No - we have realized that- we now consider each other our immediate family - and we choose to spend special times with one another, working in the extended family around our own. It would feel downright weird to not have Miss by my side as we dig into holiday treats, hum old carols and pull apart heavily taped wrapping paper as we open gifts. I didn't think that would happen until kids entered the picture, but strangely, I'm perfectly content with my immediate family of two.

I can't believe I'm doing this...

In a million years, I never thought I would be cheering the son of former "Praise the Lord" ministers (and crooks) Jim Bakker and Tammy Faye Messner. But I have to say, I was quite impressed with what the dude and his sidekick had to say in this commentary.

I'm still not running out to donate to his cause... but at least he isn't spewing hate. Thanks, Mr. Bakker. You're not half as creepy as your old man.

peace,
Ms.

All I want for Christmas is... ummmm - wait.

Okay - get this... Miss was talking with her mother on the phone and having that conversation that you have when you talk about what to get someone else for Christmas. "Well, she wants X... or she needs some Y...," etc. And then her mother points out that every year she's gotten Miss and her brother underwear. Innocently, she asks, "Maybe I should get Ms. underwear too?" UNDERWEAR. My girlfriend's mother offered to buy me underwear for Christmas. What am I to make of this? What if I open a brightly colored package in front of her entire family and it's PANTIES? Or worse -- GRANNY PANTIES! I will die. Then this blog will be over. Then you will never hear my rants about same-sex discrimination or Dubya's antics, or my conservative family again. It will be death by underwear.

wish me well,
Ms.

What a fantastic Holiday Basket!

This year, to cut down on stopping into a different store for each person on our list Ms. and I are creating gift baskets of our favorite things. We've decided to divulge the secrets of our no-fail holiday gift. Assemble as many or as few of these ingredients as you like, they're all winners:

Pick up a deli-paper-wrapped chunk of Lush soap in flavors like Avowash with avocado and olive oil or Ginger soap with ginger and essential oils. Soaps range from about $5.00-$9.00 per 1/4lb, and Lush products are never tested on animals.

Yummy Spiced Fig Chocolate or Dried Fig Compote, $7.25 from Sonoma Valley's The Girl and The Fig. Great stuff for ice cream sundaes or chèvre cheese plates.

L'Occitane en Provence - pure shea butter moisturizer for the delicate types. $36

A good bottle of wine is like gold in a gift basket. Try one of these Napa valley treasures: Grgich Hills 2005 Fumé Blanc - $25, Cake Bread Cellars' Chardonnay 2005 - $36, a 2003 Cabernet Sauvignon from Steltzner Vineyards - $36, or a pink cellophane wrapped bottle of Coppola's Sofia Blanc sparkling wine - $19.

Pair your wine with Janis and Melanie's Chardonnay biscuits with tarragon and shallots or Cabernet biscuits with cracked peppercorns. About $3 at specialty food stores or buy in bulk from Amazon.

Tate's chocolate chip cookies. Mmmmmm - light and crisp, packed with chocolate. $22.50 gets you 3 boxes (and trust me, you'll want 2 for yourself).

Throw in a dvd for Christmas night - the 5th season of "24" $36.97, "Goodnight and Goodluck" $13.49, or "Little Miss Sunshine" - $15.98, from Amazon.

Spiced chestnut soap and hand lotion from Williams Sonoma - $12.50 each online or at Williams Sonoma stores.

Jonathan's signature truffles from Compartes Chocolatier - out of this world flavors like smoked sea salt, jasmine tea, lemon citron, spicy chili pepper, and raspberry rose. A 5 piece box is $12 or get 20 pieces for $38.

A jar of Devonshire or Cornish clotted cream, available at specialty food stores and Whole Foods Markets. Fantastic on scones or served with fruit, a breakfast treat from the UK.

Add a good book from Barnes and Noble or The Strand, you might try: "The End of Mr. Y" by Scarlett Thomas - $14, "Memories of My Melancholy Whores" from Gabriel García Márquez - $11.95, or "A Photographer's Life" by Annie Leibovitz - $50-$75. Oh - and don't forget "In Me Own Words: The Autobiography of Bigfoot" by Graham Roumieu.

Throw in a donation to the Humane Society and help save animals stranded by natural disasters or abused at breeding facilities. $5 to $500.

And finally, no gift basket would be complete without a homemade CD full of your favorite tunes. Hit up iTunes and download some great tracks. Then pick up the Avery CD Stomper kit ($21.99 from Staples) and create a perfectly personalized label just for your disc.

Enjoy!
~ Miss

Well Whaddaya Know...

Mary Cheney is pregnant. Yup. She and Heather Poe, her partner of 15 years, are set to be the proud new LESBIAN parents of a new baby. Of course, neither in Virginia nor in this country, which legally discriminates against same-sex families, are there laws to protect Ms. Poe as a full guardian of the baby that Ms. Cheney births. Too bad, so sad.

As much of the gay community, I have not been a big fan of Mary Cheney in the past, due to her never providing a voice about same-sex marriage rights (not to mention the fact that she works for a party and a president that I abhore). She obviously is one of the most hight-profile homosexuals in American politics these days. It seemed to me that she should offer some opinion. In her book published this last May, however, she finally offers up her views on the Federal Marriage Ammendment and she is - thankfully - strongly opposed to it. I haven't read the book (it is on the ever-growing "to read" list), but I commend her for finally speaking up.

I would like to wish Ms. Cheney and Ms. Poe a hardy congratulations and best wishes on the new addition to their family. May that child grow up knowing he has two parents and a family that love him very much. May that child grow up in a world with less hate, with more peace, and with the open and free life in a country that was founded on equality for all. May that child grow up and work against politicians like his grandfather.

peace,
Ms.

Where do you live again?

Test your geographical knowledge: Drop the State

See how many you can get right. I scored 88% with a 28-miles-off average.

~Miss

I'll be home for Christmas -- if only in my dreams...

Miss and I are traveling to see family for the holidays. Hers and mine. Two different cities. Three plane trips for us and a seriously robust cat, who will be shoved into a carry-on.

We've had some difficulty and confusion about our tickets with an airline which has proven to be the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. I won't name names.
(Delta Air Lines, Inc.)
I won't disparage hard working employees.
(They are all morons.)
I will list highlights of our experience with them. Perhaps you can relate...

* Customer service idiots.
* The really bad "Hold" music on the phone.
* Confusion based on "what the computer says."
* Re-telling the same long story to yet another nameless, faceless person who only cares about what time she gets off work.
* Paying $11 in parking at the airport, just to go down and spend nearly 3 hours talking with a ticket agent in person.
* Balancing whether to completely lose it and jump and yell like a person in a padded cell with a serious facial tick or to calmly smile and work a more sympathetic angle.
* That stupid button that lady is wearing that says "Keep Delta MY Delta!"
* Being told that we have to pay for a ticket AGAIN.
* My pulsing temples.
* A uniformed employee telling me he is there to help, and never looking me in the eye.
* Miss's reassuring hand on the small of my back, along with that look of hers that says "don't freak out."
* A pale bald man talking to a person on the phone, who is telling us - via the pale bald man - that we have already received paper tickets and now must pay a LOST TICKET FEE and a RE-ISSUE FEE, since we are saying that we NEVER RECEIVED TICKETS.
* Not being allowed to talk to the person on the phone that the pale bald man in front of me is talking to.
* Not being allowed to take a copy of - or even LOOK at the printed copy of our ticket mishap's "story."
* Actually wondering if I would get arrested at LAX for attacking an airline employee.

I'm seriously considering going retro and going by train at this point. All the same, there's no place like home for the holidays. That is if I don't end up in jail.


xoxo,
Ms.

Where's my minority button?

Bliss: weekend mornings cuddled in bed, coffee, NY Times, the cat (who, at 18.5 lbs, we have affectionately nicknamed "fatgirl") curled between us. Our second floor window looks out on a magnolia tree, and beyond that, an elementary school. It's almost noon. Ms. and I are tired after a long day yesterday riding Space Mountain at Disneyland. Life could be worse.
Between the Matterhorn Bobsleds and Splash Mountain Ms. asked me, "Do you think it's weird for people to see two girls holding hands?" I didn't think so, but in truth, I had been wondering the same thing. Did we attract more attention here, surrounded by a genuinely diverse crowd of American and international tourists, than we did in our Los Angeles bubble? For whatever reason, it felt so. "I think it's good," she said. "They see us, they see we're normal."
That's true, it is good, it's a large part of why we write this blog. But part of me wants to know when we get to stop demonstrating "normal" and get to just BE normal. Taking up a social cause is admirable when you're not also living the cause. When you're living the cause it can feel obligatory. This is not to discount the likes of African Americans fighting civil rights violations or Hispanic Americans leading protests against backwards immigration policy. To stand against discrimination is a laudable thing. But is would be a helluva lot easier to be able to turn off your minority factor sometimes. When Ms. puts her arm around me on The Haunted Mansion ride it's not because we're trying to make a statement to the Midwestern family sitting behind us. It's because I'm terrified of spiders.

That's one small step for gays...

Good news kids: yesterday on 11/30/2006, gay marriage was legalized in South Africa! That makes it the first country in Africa to recognize same-sex marriage as being legal.

Interestingly enough, this is the backlash from an extreme conservative move in 1994, when S. Africa drafted a new constitution after apartheid. It seems they included a clause which made same-sex union illegal. The blatant discrimination gave gay leaders plenty of fodder to fight and fight hard to repeal the law. The acceptance of the legislation happened a year ago, and it is FINALLY being implemented. There you go - almost thirteen years later and they did it. It's worth it to keep on this issue.

Unfortunately, this region is still very conservative in their general outlook towards homosexuality, so don't get the mindset that you should don your rainbow-flag wife-beater and Elton John sunglasses and take your next big OUT -N- PROUD party to S. Africa. I doubt you'd be well received. However, I do think this should serve as a reminder to us that if we take the very logical point of fact that a ban on gay marriage is pure, unadulterated discrimination, we can surely begin to set our own laws in place.

Keep your chin up! We can do this!

xoxo,
Ms.

Coopertive Cooperation

Ms and I have had a rough couple of days. Working with your partner, your spouse, is a great thing, and Ms and I have mutual admiration for each other's talent. But working together doesn't resemble the frolicking pillow-fights in our lingerie that you'd like to imagine it would. (Okay, perhaps sometimes it does.) And the last couple of days have been ripe with misunderstandings, short tempers, and trouble seeing eye-to-eye .
It's hard work hashing out two different creative visions for the same idea and not leaving one person feeling shorted in the process. In these last couple of days Ms and I have been trying to tackle the beginnings of a handful of pet projects and I've come to the conclusion that there are some basic rules one should follow when working with a partner -- especially when that partner is also someone with whom you share a bed and a bank account.
The first rule is that you must always, ALWAYS respect the other person's idea. Even if you think it's crap. Furthermore, even if you do think it's crap you must also listen fully to the other person's thoughts before you offer a careful, and clearly spoken argument against them.
The second rule relates to procedure. I have found it is quite beneficial, even for the most wildly creative personalities, to outline a method for organizing your work. If there is more than one project on the table then start at the "project" level and find a way to physically separate each of them. Write them on a dry erase board or stick post-its on the wall, something. Otherwise you can talk yourself around in big circles and manage only to feel completely overwhelmed.
And third, you should establish at the beginning of the process what method you will be using to cooperatively work together. Ms and I are writers. For us, it is not the most productive to talk through every adjective and punctuation mark. We work better writing individually and then merging ideas and editing each other's work. But that's not true of all co-writers, so find your own way. Really, most importantly, keep your priorities straight. If you don't have fun working with each other than it's not worth it. Even if you're both brilliant. Be brilliant on your own.

~ Miss

Shhhh don't tell him I'm Jewish!

Ms and I are total dorks around holiday time. We already have a tree. Imagine a giant douglas fir spilling over the backseat of a tiny convertible, "Jingle Bell Rock" by Lynyrd Skynard blaring from the Harmon Kardon speakers.

Yes folks, it's Christmas in LA.

~ Miss

Extra! Extra! - Rosie O'Donnell Single-handedly Sets Back Homosexual Progress

Rosie O'Donnell has done it again. Her angry-lesbian routine has, in my humble opinion, once again put a damper on any progress homosexuals have made in being seen as normal, non-freaks. Thanks a lot, Rosie.

In case you haven't heard, recently on "The View," Rosie accused Kelly Ripa of being homophobic, based on Ripa's comment to Clay Aiken that she didn't know "where his hand had been," after Clay uncouthly cupped his hand over Ripa's mouth in an all-too-ridiculous daytime television moment - on a completely different show. The incident would've come and gone, unknown to non Regis and Kelly fans, until Rosie decided to butt in and force feed us her overbearing, paranoid comment about a moment of a show on which she neither stars nor was a guest.

Let's first consider a BIG factor in all of this madness: Clay Aiken has never "come out of the closet" as being gay. Yes, yes... we all have our Gaydar needles blip into the red whether Clay is crooning his toons, or waving from a Christmas parade float - but we know that it is HIS business to choose whether to share his sexuality with the world. It is certainly not Rosie O'Donnell's, and she basically outed him by suggesting that Ripa was making some nasty reference to Aiken's back-of-the-locker room life of shame and sin.

Secondly, I wouldn't want anyone's hand on my mouth either! Since when did that become a reference to sexual activity of a lewd kind? Is Rosie's mind really THAT in the gutter? Kelly Ripa had every right to correct Clay's impolite action. Rosie had no right to comment on Kelly's handling of it, and she most certainly had no right to bring the entire homosexual community into it.

Finally, I ask myself - why does Rosie care? The thing I hate the most about this is it points out a factor which I always say is an invention of the likes of the Religious Right and George W's cronies: the dreaded "Homosexual Agenda." I don't believe there is a homosexual agenda. Rosie O'Donnel, however, has offered some evidence that there just may be... Why else would she be on such a campaign to right a perceived wrong? It is this kind of behavior that gives ammunition to Right-Wind hate-mongers, who would have homosexuals live as lesser humans.

I am a homosexual and I have no "agenda." My only wish is that I have the same legal rights in this country that every other person has. That's all. I am quite aware that in my lifetime I will never see a world of pure acceptance of my lesbian relationship. Do I mind? Yes. Does that hurt? Yes. Do I have a set "agenda" for "curing" the world of their ignorance? Nope. My "agenda" for my life includes a bunch of things: making a life with Miss, making money so I can pay my bills and buy some cool things, having children one day, enjoying holidays and vacations, having friends and cool dinner parties, helping those less fortunate than me, learning, reading, writing, etc. My agenda is my life. Not my homosexuality.

It's not to say I'm not an activist. I suppose in all technicality I am. I see it as my responsibility to live an "out" life as a normal and responsible adult, so that people at large can see that I don't bite. So they can see I'm not out to make the world "gay," or have pornographic sex in public places. I will write and educate those willing to listen about mine and Miss's completely nomral life as long as I can. That is my "activist" contribution. I refuse to stoop to the level of hate, temper-tantrums and mud-slinging that Rosie has. Thanks a lot, Rosie, for continually using your angry bulldozing method of promoting your "homosexual agenda" and making me have to work harder for my life. I really appreciate it. Really.

~ Ms.

Whoopee! I'm sad!

Okay, okay. It's all going to be fine after all. It turns out, I haven't lost my angst! See, with all of the getting along with my family, and being in love with a wonderful gal, I find that I'm - dare I say it? - happy. However, we all know that dysfunction spells C-R-E-A-T-I-V-I-T-Y and if I'm not sick of soul, what do I have to work with, people? What???

Sooo... as of this morning I felt much better, because today I am MISERABLE. I'm working on a show right now that has me traveling all over the country for the next month and I MISS MISS TERRIBLY! Don't you get it? I'm totally unhappy! This is great news, because now I can rest assured my pain and angst will keep me creatively inspired, and therefore - employed. At least at something other than say - being hired as an infomercial writer. Not that I don't respect infomericial writers. Seriously. Do you know how hard it is to sell concentrated cleansing products to stoned people at three in the morning? Then again, that IS depressing, isn't it? You know what? I think it's all going to be okay no matter what. There is still PLENTY of pain for me. Whew. That's a relief.

xoxoxo,
Ms.

I hadn't thought of this...

Just checking in to let you know that we DID return safely from the visit with the Fam, and it was considered a success by all involved. My parents love Miss and they have said that they've never seen me this at-ease with someone, or more happy.

So now I've gotta wonder - how can I be a creative genius without deep angst? Maybe I'll have to start working on the Lifetime Network - or worse -- write self-help books. Crap. Here I had to go and get all happy and stuff.

xoxox,
Ms.

Day Three - Taking it ALL in

All is still going well here in Parentville. Today Miss and I skipped out on the fam for the day and went sight-seeing in town. There are about six things to do, and we did three. It was a big day.

I find myself in a new space with my family now. In the past, when I've introduced boyfriends to my parents, I never cared what the guy thought -- only what my parents thought of him. I guess I was a "pleaser" kind of child. Hence, me waiting almost to the age of 33 to emerge from the closet. Be it age, wisdom, coming out, or simply finding true love - something has caused me to not care so much about their approval. I can't say I don't WANT their approval- of course I do. But this time their approval had no bearing on my own choices. This time, I am more interested in what Miss thinks of where I grew up. I want her to understand what made me - me. The good and the bad. To my delight, she's taken it all in with a sense of humor and without judgement, and perhaps come to understand a little more about me.

Also to my delight, my parents have taken in Miss with open arms. I understood this clearly today when my mother said, "Well, I guess I'm going to have a daughter-in-law that I didn't plan on - that's not so bad," and then proceeded to make us a fried chicken supper and my Granny-Great's favorite recipe for summer yellow squash. There's nothing like passing on tradition to new members of the family.

xoxoxo,
Ms.

Day Two - Bless your heart

(or - what I have learned about the American South)

1. Not all country music is bad. In fact, some of it is good, the songs about sex anyway.

2. Kansas city barbeque should have it's own spot in the food pyramid. Country fried steak is what they give inmates when they can't afford lethal injection. Death by carbs.

3. There is tea, and then there is tea. If you ask for tea in any state below the Mason-Dixon line don't expect to get a warm drink in a mug. Expect to get a giant glass containing roughly 1/2 sugar, 1/2 ice, and added tea flavoring.

4. People from Maryland think people from Atlanta are stupid. People from Atlanta think people from Alabama are stupid. People in Alabama have cows and they think they're perfectly good company.

That's it so far. You'd think I would have learned more but I've had a bit of trouble deciphering the accents. Ms. translates.

More later,
Miss

Day One - Alive & Kicking

(or - What Miss has learned about the American South.)

She's doing well. I was proud as she hung in meeting not only my grinning parents, but also my aunt, uncle, another uncle, two cousins, and a new puppy. Everyone has been on their best behavior and my mother is proudly telling stories of all the fits I threw as a child. There were many.

So here I sit, amazed at the ease with which everyone has "fit," ready for the next phase of this introduction -- the social event out in public. Yep. We are about to go have Barbeque at a hot local joint and listen to -- get this -- a country band play some down-home twang. I can't get too nervous, as I am just fascinated to see how my little New Yorker is going to handle an evening of rednecks. Wow. Wish you were here. No... really. I need some backup.

xoxoxo,
Ms.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

It’s time. I can’t believe it. Tomorrow, Miss and I will board a plane for a trip back to the homeland suburbia from which I sprung. That’s correct, folks – it’s time for Miss to meet my PARENTS.

Now I was a late-bloomer in the whole practice of “coming out,” and never got around to telling my folks until just over a year ago – just after Miss and I started seeing one another. It’s been a whirl-wind year of disbelief, long talks, long silences, tears and ultimately laughter and acceptance on the part of my parents. They have yet to meet her though. They have yet to be in my presence while I’m in the presence of my female love.

Mother, Father, Miss, me… we’re all a touch nervous, but oddly – I am tending to notice a strange twinge of excitement stirring deep within me. At first I found it “off.” Somehow I must have misread a feeling of absolute terror. Surely that was more what I was feeling, right? But no. I am excited to introduce the person whom I love more than I’ve ever loved anybody to my dear family. I am excited to show her the neat suburb of conservative cleanliness in which I awkwardly grew up. I don’t really know why. Maybe I’m truly at peace about my personal life. OMFG.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

xoxox,
Ms.

Strap On Your Funny Bone

Last night Ms. and I saw ‘Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby’. If you haven’t seen it, it is exactly what the title suggests. No deep thought, lots of ridiculous caricatures. Ms. loves movies like that… and I… tolerate them. I am a good girlfriend. I don’t understand exactly why I don’t find those movies as funny as she does. Am I missing a chromosome or something? Honestly, I do love comedy. I just seem to have not developed that area of my brain that can wrap itself around 'South Park'. Ms. can recite Shakespeare. She can quote Jung. She is far better read than I am. (In fairness, she’s also older – she’s had more time.) But we joke that I am the more mature of us. A few months ago I looked out from the kitchen where I was making dinner and watched Ms. sitting on the floor giggling to herself in front of a ‘Family Guy’ cartoon. It made me smile. I think our kids are going to like her better than me.

Kiss & Tell

Ms. and I work in TV. We met on the same show; Ms. has already explained this. When you meet either of us it’s not obvious that we date girls – we don’t look like dykes – which was a good thing because the show we met on was known to be a political minefield. But now we’ve each moved on and are interviewing for bigger and better things. Last week Ms. met with some folks about working on a new show and recommended me. Now, is there some sort of obligation to divulge our relationship before we’re hired? If we were straight and married would it have been easier for Ms. to casually mention it when recommending me? And in an industry where nepotism is an accepted hiring practice, does it actually hurt us that we don’t use each other as a boost, but interview on our own merits? Ethically, what do our prospective bosses and coworkers have a right to know?

~ Miss

Feathering

We’re moving. We’ve decided to suck it up and move into an apartment that fits our lives. Our meager furniture is going to look very minimalist in our big new place. But it’s something of a clean slate – our first apartment “together”. Ms had a very nice one-bedroom that I imposed myself on nearly ayear ago, cat and all. I did, however, organize all the closets and label everything under the sink, so it was a pretty good deal for Ms. But now, faced with obvious budget constraints, how do we furnish an apartment for that next step in our lives? How do you go about deciding to become mature people? Buying furniture that matches, for instance, or a complete set of 12 plates, or a Cuisinart, Belgium chairs, Moroccan rugs, ottomans from, fittingly, Turkey, $60 pencil holders, $115 for an étagère, a hutch made of American maple and tropical cane, finished in tobacco, what does it take? What is a hutch anyway? Is it entirely inappropriate for me to paint a mural of sheep herding in the Caucasus on the living room wall? It’s the first time I’ve considered moving into a home, rather than finding a place to live. Someplace I might stay for more than a year. What’s that like?

xoxo,
Miss

Together Again

Yes, yes. I realize it's been too long since the last blog. Miss did indeed come home safely and things have been uber busy ever since. Hence, the lack of blogging.

Some of you were curious as to what I did for her when she got home. Easy -- I did whatever she wanted. Of course, what she wanted most was not to leave the apartment. So my job was to make sure and get the foods she was craving, and to encourage her to sleep when she was tired and not force herself out of the jet lag. We ended up in Napa a week later -- and wine and gourmet food was just the medicine my tired traveler needed.

I have since stopped my lonely whining and have enjoyed having her back. I'm such a wimp.

xoxox,
Ms.

Hot Damn!

She comes home TOMORROW! I can't wait. I've missed her so. What should I do for her? She's been gone for over three weeks and is EXHAUSTED. Any suggestions?

xoxo,
Ms.

Holy Housing Prices Batman!

I recently read an article in the LA Times about how the median cost of an LA county house has breached the 500k mark. Half a million bloody dollars! That's like buying 20 houses in Alabama. Okay... I exaggerate - a hair. Maybe five houses. Nice ones.

Ms. and I have been mulling over the idea of investing in an LA condo or NY co-op. We are bi... coastal. Bad joke? Contemplating such a purchase involves a lot more than signing over half your pay check each week to Fidelity. For us, being an unmarried couple, it involves all sorts of things I've never heard of - gifting taxes, rights of survivorship, [insert more things I don't know]. It is completely overwhelming.

I realize though, that people dumber and less resourceful than us purchase houses every day. It's small comfort; 500k is still a lot of money. But if nothing else, I hear they make good pie in Alabama.

Cheers,
Miss

Coming out of the Office Supply Closet

Miss and I were scandalous and met at work. We actually began our relationship and rode through those early electric moments with stolen kisses and prolonged gazes behind every one else's backs, in bathrooms (another advantage to the female/female equation), and in the parking lot. Ahem... we won't go into that one.

Anyhow, we decided to keep it hidden for a couple of reasons. One: inter-company relationships were not exactly looked favorably upon by the powers that be, and Two: the inherent juciness of gossip surrounding two girls hooking up was UNDENIABLE. I won't deny it either: there is a part of having a hidden/forbidden relationship that is H.O.T.

However, there comes a time when you get sick of hiding. Almost a year into our relationship, that time has come with us. So lately, Miss and I have been casually informing long time co-workers not only of our sexuality, but also of OUR sly affair. Truthfully -- it's been quite fun. So far everyone has been great about it. It's not so bad, because we are actually not working with the same company right now (we freelance), and so the hurdle of frowning bosses is thankfully passed. What a blessing to be able to go to dinner parties as a couple instead of as "good friends!"

Except I'd be lying if I didn't admit: from time to time, I do miss those clandestine escapes to the bathroom.

xoxo,
Ms.

I miss Miss.

She's traveling. Working. In the last month i've seen her a total of six days. That was over two weeks ago. One week to go. Sigh! I bought cat food today. Did laundry. Caught up on Tivo. When did I become like this over somebody? What is happening to me? I've become one of those lovesick fools. Who would of guessed?

Look at me turning to you for comfort. The nameless, faceless mass YOU. This is what technology has become to us. It's fascinating really. Isn't it? (she asks like you will answer) Obviously... this missing Miss thing is getting to me.

until next time
~ Ms.

The Same-Sex Marriage Issue

This week the Senate is voting on whether to pass an Amendment to the Constitution that would ban same-sex marriage. As you might imagine, I have such vehement disagreement with this possibility that the level of frustration, hurt, anger, etc. is extreme. So much so, that I find it difficult to even type this coherently, without going into a ridiculous rant based on emotion. Let’s try to look at the blanket facts and leave our seething anger out of it, shall we?

President Bush says, “Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society.” Well, Mr. Bush, ages of experience have taught us that the true commitment of any PERSON to another PERSON to love and serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society. Gender is irrelevant. Some families produce happy, well-adjusted children, some produce dysfunctional terrors on society – and you will not find that the gender balance of the parents has anything to do with it.

Sometimes people ask “Well, why do you need a law to get married anyway?” Pointing out, quite innocently, that “When I got married, it wasn’t for the legal document, it was for the chance to stand up in front of family and friends and declare my love for ____.” I have to agree. Truth is, I was married once upon a time – to a man. The same was true. The legal implications didn’t begin to occur to us. We were college sweethearts and wanted to tie the knot. Of course, youth, life, and other factors led to a shockingly uncomplicated walk-away divorce five years later. So much for the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman.

Here I find myself today, older, wiser and more in touch with who I am, what I want, etc. I am in love with Miss. How one quantifies love, I cannot tell you, however, this time it feels different. This time, when I think of the possibility of committing the rest of my life to this person, it makes my heart swell and I feel deep in my soul that it is the right thing to do. It was never like this the first time, with a man. So, why not just have a ceremony and stand up in front of family and friends and declare our love? That’s what marriage really means, right? True. And yes, we will do that. But this time around, I find that it DOES mean something to have the legal document. Somehow, when it was legal for me to marry, I took that part for granted. That’s why it didn’t occur to me as being “a reason.” First of all, there are issues like taxes and joint assets without having to worry about “gifting taxes,” and rights of survivorship. There are so many financial hurdles one has to navigate in a non-legal marriage. Yes we live in California, so we have the very limited state benefits thanks to Civil Union, but check out what we don’t have on a federal level:

Because lesbians and gay men cannot marry, they have no right to . . .

•Accidental death benefit for the surviving spouse of a government employee;

•Appointment as guardian of a minor;

•Award of child custody in divorce proceedings;

•Beneficial owner status of corporate securities;

•Bill of Rights benefits for victims and witnesses;

•Burial of service member's dependents;

•Certificates of occupation;

•Consent to post-mortem examination;

•Continuation of rights under existing homestead leases;

•Control, division, acquisition, and disposition of community property

•Criminal injuries compensation;

•Death benefit for surviving spouse for government employee

•Disclosure of vital statistics records;

•Division of property after dissolution of marriage;

•Eligibility for housing opportunity allowance program of the Housing, Finance and Development Corporation;

•Exemption from claims of Department of Human Services for social services payments, financial assistance, or burial payments;

•Exemption from conveyance tax;

•Exemption from regulation of condominium sales to owner-occupants;

•Funeral leave for government employees;

•Homes of totally disabled veterans exempt from property taxes;

•Income tax deductions, credits, rates exemption, and estimates;

•Inheritance of land patents;

•Insurance licenses, coverage, eligibility, and benefits organization of mutual benefits society;

•Legal status with partner’s children;

•Making, revoking, and objecting to anatomical gifts;

•Making partner medical decisions;

•Nonresident tuition deferential waiver;

•Notice of guardian ad litem proceedings;

•Notice of probate proceedings;

•Payment of wages to a relative of deceased employee;

•Payment of worker's compensation benefits after death;

•Permission to make arrangements for burial or cremation;

•Proof of business partnership;

•Public assistance from the Department of Human Services;

•Qualification at a facility for the elderly;

•Real property exemption from attachment or execution;

•Right of survivorship to custodial trust;

•Right to be notified of parole or escape of inmate;

•Right to change names;

•Right to enter into pre-marital agreement;

•Right to file action for nonsupport;

•Right to inherit property;

•Right to purchase leases and cash freehold agreements concerning the management and disposition of public land;

•Right to sue for tort and death by wrongful act;

•Right to support after divorce;

•Right to support from spouse;

•Rights and proceedings for involuntary hospitalization and treatment;

•Rights by way of dour or courtesy;

•Rights to notice, protection, benefits, and inheritance under the uniform probate code;

•Sole interest in property;

•Spousal privilege and confidential marriage communications;

•Spousal immigration benefits;

•Status of children;

•Support payments in divorce action;

•Tax relief for natural disaster losses;

•Vacation allowance on termination of public employment by death;

•Veterans' preference to spouse in public employment;

•In vitro fertilization coverage;

•Waiver of fees for certified copies and searches of vital statistics.

Thank you to Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays for this information. (PFLAG)

Finally, I find myself confused at the amount of hatred surrounding this issue. Write a deliberate act of discrimination into the Constitution? Seriously? I get it if you don’t understand homosexuality and want no part of it. Miss and I don’t particularly want to come over for dinner, if that’s what you’re thinking. But why, oh why would you deny us a basic Constitutional right? Marriage means something to me now more than ever – and I did it “legally” the first time. Isn’t it ironic that when I am mature enough to finally love someone and “promote the welfare of [my future] children and the stability of society,” I am being fought against and the suggestion has been argued that my choice be BANNED. Mr. Bush, I have many reasons not to like you or support you, but I am mostly sorry for you. Apparently, you don’t understand our forefathers' plan for a FREE country, our Constitution, marriage, or for that matter - love.

~ Ms.

The Rites of Spring

My parents are coming to visit this weekend. Ms has met my parents once, over Christmas. She walked in the house, off a 6 hour plane ride, and was handed a glass of wine and a joint (it was Christmas, after all). My parents love Ms, certainly in part because it seems I have finally gotten over my tendency to pick construction workers and drug addicts.

Ms and I come from two different worlds though, and sometimes I feel guilty that my parents are so readily accepting of our life when hers are not. Still, there has been progress – like the email this morning from her mother that said, “You have found someone that makes you whole and I am so happy for you”. Baby steps.

This weekend my Jewish family will cook Easter dinner for Ms and two of our closest friends – another Miss & Ms duo. Cheers to the next generation of the American family.

xoxo,
Miss

Girls Gone Civilized

Most of the time Ms and I are not aware that we’re any different. Most of the time I don’t look at Ms across the room and see a super-hot girl that I’m sleeping with, I see someone I love, who makes me smile. (Okay, I also see a hot girl I’m sleeping with, but it’s not the first thing I see.) So I forget that not everyone knows how I love her, or cares to, especially in public. I forget that sometimes people don’t actually want to acknowledge this about us because it ruins the intrigue, the fantasy, the scandal of two girls together. The other night in a rather upscale LA restaurant, where we were enjoying dinner with good friends, two men in Champion sweatshirts (Yes, Champion. Apparently it still exists out there in the closets of unfortunate middle-aged men) could do nothing but what I would conservatively describe as unchecked leering.

Ms and I are not exhibitionists – we are not “Betty Does Dallas” come to life in the middle of your local Chili’s. We behave in public appropriately. We are young, professional women with talent and money and style. As sexual harassment is insulting and upsetting to any woman, it is sometimes worse when someone is tactlessly commenting on your life. And that, right there, is more than I ever have to say on the subject because I believe, quite simply, that Ms is worth it - - or else I would go back to dating men… men without Champion sweatshirts in their closet.

xoxo,
~ Miss

Fun With Stereotypes

Stereotypes we embody:

1. We moved in together a month and a half into the relationship.
2. We know every character on “The L Word” (but have recently stopped watching it because season 3 sucks)
3. Much to Miss’s horror, Ms. enjoys wearing Tevas… and sometimes – Birkenstocks.
4. The one who wears Tevas drove a Subaru until just a few months ago.
5. We enjoy a good Indigo Girls tune from time to time.
6. We do own a tool-box – and have used it.
7. It takes a lot for Ms. to wear a skirt or a dress – but she will do it if the occasion is right.
8. Miss is good at team sports… especially soccer.
9. We have been known to dance all night at a gay bar.
10. We like girls.


Stereotypes we do not embody:

1. Neither of us plays softball.
2. Neither of us has short hair
3. Neither of us sports a mullet either – God forbid.
4. Neither of us wears Doc Martins
5. We are both aware that flannel went out with grunge.
6. We do not hate men.
7. Neither one of us will ever challenge you to arm wrestle.
8. Neither of us has a rainbow sticker on our car.
9. Neither one of us drives a pick up truck.
10. We do not look like porn stars – besides they're just "acting" like they like girls.

Green Eyed Monster

Question: what do you do when a man is checking out your girlfriend?

Picture this: Miss and I go out to a chic sushi restaurant the other night. There is a wait for our table, so we saunter up to the bar to grab a cocktail. While I play the popular game of “pay attention to me” with the overly-busy bartender, I notice Miss getting plenty of attention from a nearby male patron. He sends a smile her way and mouths “hi.” She briefly, politely and coolly smiles, turning away to look at me with an eye roll and a reassuring grin. He notices me looking at him and he smiles wide and nods with an innocent “how you doing?” To him, I look just like a casual girlfriend, hanging out with my buddy on a Friday night. Not like her GIRLFRIEND. He’s done nothing lascivious, he’s remained polite and is innocently attempting to meet a lovely young woman for companionship. Not a crime.

It’s hard for guys. I get that. (It’s hard for girls too, btw.) I don’t fault him for looking for love – or a little fun for that matter. I certainly am proud of Miss for being the beauty that she is. Here is where I have difficulty though. I have no idea how to respond. I get jealous. It’s a natural response. I can’t help it. My hackles go up a bit and I want to ask him who the fuck he thinks he is, hitting on my girlfriend. Now thankfully, I am a sane person and do not do this. Nor do I take it out on Miss, mind you. I simply smile at her and take her hand, squeezing it a tad, as if to remind her (or myself) that she is mine.

If I were a man, or a more “visually obvious” lesbian, it would perhaps be more apparent we were together and no halfway conscientious male would bother. Instead I look like her roommate or her work buddy, out to hit the town and rehash old Sex & the City episodes while we cruise for cute boys. Inevitably, one or the both of us gets hit on.

After a polite, but cool response, most men get the hint and move on. However, sometimes they do not. Too much alcohol or testosterone can convince even the homeliest of fellows that their sperm are tres desirable, and they continue their unwanted pursuit with abandon. At which point I feel like an angry bull-dyke if I speak my mind, or a timid pussy if I say nothing. If I put my arms around her or kiss her there is the inevitable sexiness of two women at play. With the alcohol-laden men, this can be an extreme problem. I’ve learned not to go there.

I think the guy at the sushi restaurant saw the “eat shit and die” look on my face and probably mentioned to his friend that “the tall one looks like a bitch.” I’m really not a bitch. I promise. I just don’t know how to behave in the “don’t-touch-my-woman” scenario. I’m sorry. Truly. Just… don’t touch my woman. Please. I don’t want to have to get bull-dykey on your ass.

xoxo,
Ms.

Ibuprofen Cocktails

Imagine the beauty and joy of a true-love relationship. Now imagine that relationship bloated, crampy, tired and bitchy - - times two.

Cramps are like snowballs rolling down a mountain. They start out small and harmless, but if you don’t stop them, they will grow, roll over you and crush you into a painful, suffocating, icy oblivion.

Ah, the magic of nature! Thou hast been warned – we’re synced up.

The Reveal

Ms. Writes:

My hairdresser is a flamboyant French man, who is – oddly – very straight. Raphael has been my hairdresser for nearly three years and he has been flirting with me for nearly as long. He doesn’t know about Miss. One reason he doesn’t know is because for a time, I was in a relationship with – yes – a man. When the man and I broke up, Raphael, dear that he is, poured me a glass of wine, said “love steenks,” and magically granted me a great set of highlights/lowlights that saw me through the pain. Ever since then, when I sit in the chair Raphael’s questions go right for the boys. “Are zere any boys in your life?”

I was planning to go back to see Raphael the other day. I haven’t seen him since Miss came into my life, and I knew the inevitable question about boys would present itself. I’m not sure why I never wanted to blurt out, “oh, I actually like girls better,” but it’s just – an odd thing to say. I’ve been casually dating girls during some of my visits to Raphael, but I had not been serious with any of them, like I am with Miss, so I never felt the need to disclose my bedroom habits to the guy who does great hair. But this is different. I’m in love now. I’m making future plans. I can’t hide this fact from the man who gave me an 8pm appointment and let me cry while he foiled. I realized it was time for the reveal.

Plenty of lesbians are better at this than me. They’ll wear T-shirts, they’ll shout it on Santa Monica Boulevard, they’ll skywrite it if you give them the chance. “I SLEEP WITH WOMEN!” I do admire that and it’s not like I don’t tell people if they ask - in fact, I’m very proud of Miss. She’s beautiful. However, to go there with a casual “By the way, I’m sleeping with a girl,” feels as weird to me as suddenly revealing that I’m wearing an old, ratty bra today because it’s just so damn comfy.

It came time for the appointment, and sure enough, after a good half-hour of general catch-up, the question hit: “So… eez zere a man?” I paused, looked at the reflection of the frenchman and calmly said. “Nope. No man.” He pursed his lips, nodded and continued to splat goo on my roots. I could have left it there. He wasn’t digging and I was safe – but I didn’t want to. I was ready to skywrite it. I’m in love with Miss. I can’t deny it. So… I decided to give it a go. “There is no man, Raphael. That’s for sure.” “Zat eez too bad,” he said. “Not really,” I offered. “There is someone in my life that I’m very much in love with.” Raphael stopped what he was doing and looked at me quizzically in the mirror. “I’m living with a woman.” He blinked. “I’m in a relationship with a girl.” I’m not sure how he did it, but he managed to drop his jaw and curl his lips into a smile simultaneously. “Ahhhhh! A girl?,” he questioned. “Yep,” I grinned. “Are you happy?” he asked. “More than I’ve ever been,” I admitted.

What was cool about the whole thing, is that Raphael dug it. And not in a creepy way; in a way that was just ultra casual. Of course – he IS a hairdresser… and he’s French. All right, so maybe I’m not as brave as I thought.

xoxo,
~ Ms.

The Adventures of Us

Who are we?  We are two girls, who live together in Los Angeles. We are writers, we love to travel, and we happen to be a couple.  That’s right.  Call us what you will, but to us – we’re just… us. 
 
First – the BIG picture:
 
This is not a site about voicing our anger at being considered different, nor is it a campaign against labeling.  Truth is – it’s human nature to label.  It helps us to understand the world around us when we can compartmentalize all that we take in on a day-to-day basis.  The purpose of this site is simply to point out that we are normal human beings, with old-fashioned values, busy schedules, daunting bills, etc.   Many folks simply don’t understand and/or don’t have access to homosexuality and therefore are left trying to assess it through the prism of news media coverage, extreme political debate, or must-see-TV.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 
 
Two of our greatest gifts as humans are laughter and thought.  Our hope is that we bring you both.  If we help just a few people understand homosexuality better, then perhaps we can all learn to treat the issues of homosexual discrimination in a different way.  All in all, we’d like to take away the anger from both sides of the debate and simply create a common ground from which to relate. 
 
Second – a bunch of LITTLE pictures:
 
How do we plan to carry out the grandiose vision defined above?  By simply writing of our adventures.   Yep.  Pure and simple.  From time to time, we simply have to comment on our experience of being a same-sex couple, as that – by its very nature – affects our experiences we have out in the world (i.e. traveling in a conservative region).  Often, however, we may leave the part out about the fact that we are two women in love.  Want to know why?  Because it doesn’t occur to us.   See… the thing is - we aren’t weird to us.