Coopertive Cooperation

Ms and I have had a rough couple of days. Working with your partner, your spouse, is a great thing, and Ms and I have mutual admiration for each other's talent. But working together doesn't resemble the frolicking pillow-fights in our lingerie that you'd like to imagine it would. (Okay, perhaps sometimes it does.) And the last couple of days have been ripe with misunderstandings, short tempers, and trouble seeing eye-to-eye .
It's hard work hashing out two different creative visions for the same idea and not leaving one person feeling shorted in the process. In these last couple of days Ms and I have been trying to tackle the beginnings of a handful of pet projects and I've come to the conclusion that there are some basic rules one should follow when working with a partner -- especially when that partner is also someone with whom you share a bed and a bank account.
The first rule is that you must always, ALWAYS respect the other person's idea. Even if you think it's crap. Furthermore, even if you do think it's crap you must also listen fully to the other person's thoughts before you offer a careful, and clearly spoken argument against them.
The second rule relates to procedure. I have found it is quite beneficial, even for the most wildly creative personalities, to outline a method for organizing your work. If there is more than one project on the table then start at the "project" level and find a way to physically separate each of them. Write them on a dry erase board or stick post-its on the wall, something. Otherwise you can talk yourself around in big circles and manage only to feel completely overwhelmed.
And third, you should establish at the beginning of the process what method you will be using to cooperatively work together. Ms and I are writers. For us, it is not the most productive to talk through every adjective and punctuation mark. We work better writing individually and then merging ideas and editing each other's work. But that's not true of all co-writers, so find your own way. Really, most importantly, keep your priorities straight. If you don't have fun working with each other than it's not worth it. Even if you're both brilliant. Be brilliant on your own.

~ Miss

Shhhh don't tell him I'm Jewish!

Ms and I are total dorks around holiday time. We already have a tree. Imagine a giant douglas fir spilling over the backseat of a tiny convertible, "Jingle Bell Rock" by Lynyrd Skynard blaring from the Harmon Kardon speakers.

Yes folks, it's Christmas in LA.

~ Miss

Extra! Extra! - Rosie O'Donnell Single-handedly Sets Back Homosexual Progress

Rosie O'Donnell has done it again. Her angry-lesbian routine has, in my humble opinion, once again put a damper on any progress homosexuals have made in being seen as normal, non-freaks. Thanks a lot, Rosie.

In case you haven't heard, recently on "The View," Rosie accused Kelly Ripa of being homophobic, based on Ripa's comment to Clay Aiken that she didn't know "where his hand had been," after Clay uncouthly cupped his hand over Ripa's mouth in an all-too-ridiculous daytime television moment - on a completely different show. The incident would've come and gone, unknown to non Regis and Kelly fans, until Rosie decided to butt in and force feed us her overbearing, paranoid comment about a moment of a show on which she neither stars nor was a guest.

Let's first consider a BIG factor in all of this madness: Clay Aiken has never "come out of the closet" as being gay. Yes, yes... we all have our Gaydar needles blip into the red whether Clay is crooning his toons, or waving from a Christmas parade float - but we know that it is HIS business to choose whether to share his sexuality with the world. It is certainly not Rosie O'Donnell's, and she basically outed him by suggesting that Ripa was making some nasty reference to Aiken's back-of-the-locker room life of shame and sin.

Secondly, I wouldn't want anyone's hand on my mouth either! Since when did that become a reference to sexual activity of a lewd kind? Is Rosie's mind really THAT in the gutter? Kelly Ripa had every right to correct Clay's impolite action. Rosie had no right to comment on Kelly's handling of it, and she most certainly had no right to bring the entire homosexual community into it.

Finally, I ask myself - why does Rosie care? The thing I hate the most about this is it points out a factor which I always say is an invention of the likes of the Religious Right and George W's cronies: the dreaded "Homosexual Agenda." I don't believe there is a homosexual agenda. Rosie O'Donnel, however, has offered some evidence that there just may be... Why else would she be on such a campaign to right a perceived wrong? It is this kind of behavior that gives ammunition to Right-Wind hate-mongers, who would have homosexuals live as lesser humans.

I am a homosexual and I have no "agenda." My only wish is that I have the same legal rights in this country that every other person has. That's all. I am quite aware that in my lifetime I will never see a world of pure acceptance of my lesbian relationship. Do I mind? Yes. Does that hurt? Yes. Do I have a set "agenda" for "curing" the world of their ignorance? Nope. My "agenda" for my life includes a bunch of things: making a life with Miss, making money so I can pay my bills and buy some cool things, having children one day, enjoying holidays and vacations, having friends and cool dinner parties, helping those less fortunate than me, learning, reading, writing, etc. My agenda is my life. Not my homosexuality.

It's not to say I'm not an activist. I suppose in all technicality I am. I see it as my responsibility to live an "out" life as a normal and responsible adult, so that people at large can see that I don't bite. So they can see I'm not out to make the world "gay," or have pornographic sex in public places. I will write and educate those willing to listen about mine and Miss's completely nomral life as long as I can. That is my "activist" contribution. I refuse to stoop to the level of hate, temper-tantrums and mud-slinging that Rosie has. Thanks a lot, Rosie, for continually using your angry bulldozing method of promoting your "homosexual agenda" and making me have to work harder for my life. I really appreciate it. Really.

~ Ms.