Happy New Year!!

Cheers! and Smooch! and Auld Lang Syne! (whatever the hell that means...) It's almost 2007 and I'm feeling good about the upcoming year.

Be safe and laugh at someone who is drunker than you tonight... (as if)

xoxo,
Ms.

Out with the Old...

Miss and I wanted this blog to be a happy New Year message, but with the execution of Saddam Hussein, it feels downright irresponsible not to address such a major occurrence.

Certainly, Saddam was a violent dictator and no one I would want to be in the presence of for even a moment. That said, I can't help but feel cold when I see the news footage of the black hooded executioners walking him through his final moments. Not because I think it is tragic that this man's life is ending - rather, I feel this act has just made a martyr of a demon. George Bush is busy reminding us that this is an important step in the war on terror, and I can't help but conclude - ONCE AGAIN -- the true stupidity of our president. This act will cause more violence, more terrorism, and more hate than it would have to let that man rot in prison for the rest of time. He would have faded, and now... we've helped to assure he will be remembered in the public's eye as bravely facing his own death, and from his own supporters as a further symbol of cause to fight.

Yes, it's been quite a week of endings - James Brown, Gerald Ford, Saddam Hussein, and now 2006. A tough year for quite a few people indeed, Miss and I wish you a happier 2007. In this next year, may your life be easier, happier, healthier, wealthier, all of those things - but above all - we wish you peace - and all that means to you.

Happy New Year,
Ms. & Miss

Sweet!

Dude! First of all -- I just found out that Sarah Paulson - of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip fame - is a girl who likes girls!! Secondly -- I just began a blog with "Dude!"

(Give me a break, I'm exhausted from eating about a zillion calories in holiday food for the last week, and I am now nursing a nasty cold.)

Until next time,
Ms.

Peace on Earth, good will to men...

It's Christmas Eve-Eve, and Miss and I will be busy eating and opening presents for the next couple of days, so today shall be our slightly early Christmas blog. I was looking for a happy bit of news about acceptance, in keeping with the holiday spirit of peace. Sadly, that was a hard task. So I figure I'll tell you my own story.

As I've said, Miss and I are in New York for the holidays, and - as expected - we've included the must-do activities of a trip to the city. For one, we went high-brow one night and caught Rigoletto at the Met. Sitting next to Miss was one very elderly gentleman, appearing to be in his nineties. He noticed a ring on her finger that I had given her last year as an anniversary gift. He said it reminded him of a ring he had given his wife, and then noted he had found it in her effects after she passed away. He seemed to like Miss very much (how could you not), and he took every opportunity between acts to speak with her. He really was very sweet.

Miss and I thoroughly enjoyed the opera, and although the elderly gentleman made me a touch sad, I couldn't deny that I was delighted that he found us as acceptable to talk to as anyone, even though Miss and I held hands, or had a hand on one another's knee throughout the show. A man two generations ahead of our own, and he was as open and willing to share a story of his own late love with another couple in love, albeit a different kind of couple.

After the opera, we said our goodbyes to our elderly friend and exited the theatre. We stood outside of Lincoln Center, feeling good despite the tragic end of Rigoletto, and admired the tall Christmas tree, decorated with large twinkling snowflake lights. As we stood in the chilled night air, we began to hear people singing. It seemed an impromptu gathering of carolers had formed and they were singing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing!" Folks young and old, families, friends, and couples stood and sang Christmas hymn after Christmas hymn. Miss and I grasped hands and walked into the middle of the group, where we were welcome to stand and sing our hearts out as well. Peace on Earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled.

Merry Christmas,
Ms.

Here we are - happy golden days...

It's the holiday season and Miss and I are spending it together. We made it out of LA, despite a stupid airline, and currently we are in New York visiting her family. I've received my first ever Hanukkah present - thankfully no underwear yet, and life is good and busy with holiday bustle. We will spend the next week here before going to visit my family.

Okay, this is going to sound a little corny, but I have to say, it has occured to Miss and me both that while going to see our families is wonderful, we are most happy to just be toegether. It's as if the weight of "family importance" has shifted somewhat from them - to us. Truly, it's quite gratifying to be at the stage in my life and relationship with Miss where we no longer accept spending the holidays apart, with each other's respective families. No - we have realized that- we now consider each other our immediate family - and we choose to spend special times with one another, working in the extended family around our own. It would feel downright weird to not have Miss by my side as we dig into holiday treats, hum old carols and pull apart heavily taped wrapping paper as we open gifts. I didn't think that would happen until kids entered the picture, but strangely, I'm perfectly content with my immediate family of two.

I can't believe I'm doing this...

In a million years, I never thought I would be cheering the son of former "Praise the Lord" ministers (and crooks) Jim Bakker and Tammy Faye Messner. But I have to say, I was quite impressed with what the dude and his sidekick had to say in this commentary.

I'm still not running out to donate to his cause... but at least he isn't spewing hate. Thanks, Mr. Bakker. You're not half as creepy as your old man.

peace,
Ms.

All I want for Christmas is... ummmm - wait.

Okay - get this... Miss was talking with her mother on the phone and having that conversation that you have when you talk about what to get someone else for Christmas. "Well, she wants X... or she needs some Y...," etc. And then her mother points out that every year she's gotten Miss and her brother underwear. Innocently, she asks, "Maybe I should get Ms. underwear too?" UNDERWEAR. My girlfriend's mother offered to buy me underwear for Christmas. What am I to make of this? What if I open a brightly colored package in front of her entire family and it's PANTIES? Or worse -- GRANNY PANTIES! I will die. Then this blog will be over. Then you will never hear my rants about same-sex discrimination or Dubya's antics, or my conservative family again. It will be death by underwear.

wish me well,
Ms.

What a fantastic Holiday Basket!

This year, to cut down on stopping into a different store for each person on our list Ms. and I are creating gift baskets of our favorite things. We've decided to divulge the secrets of our no-fail holiday gift. Assemble as many or as few of these ingredients as you like, they're all winners:

Pick up a deli-paper-wrapped chunk of Lush soap in flavors like Avowash with avocado and olive oil or Ginger soap with ginger and essential oils. Soaps range from about $5.00-$9.00 per 1/4lb, and Lush products are never tested on animals.

Yummy Spiced Fig Chocolate or Dried Fig Compote, $7.25 from Sonoma Valley's The Girl and The Fig. Great stuff for ice cream sundaes or chèvre cheese plates.

L'Occitane en Provence - pure shea butter moisturizer for the delicate types. $36

A good bottle of wine is like gold in a gift basket. Try one of these Napa valley treasures: Grgich Hills 2005 Fumé Blanc - $25, Cake Bread Cellars' Chardonnay 2005 - $36, a 2003 Cabernet Sauvignon from Steltzner Vineyards - $36, or a pink cellophane wrapped bottle of Coppola's Sofia Blanc sparkling wine - $19.

Pair your wine with Janis and Melanie's Chardonnay biscuits with tarragon and shallots or Cabernet biscuits with cracked peppercorns. About $3 at specialty food stores or buy in bulk from Amazon.

Tate's chocolate chip cookies. Mmmmmm - light and crisp, packed with chocolate. $22.50 gets you 3 boxes (and trust me, you'll want 2 for yourself).

Throw in a dvd for Christmas night - the 5th season of "24" $36.97, "Goodnight and Goodluck" $13.49, or "Little Miss Sunshine" - $15.98, from Amazon.

Spiced chestnut soap and hand lotion from Williams Sonoma - $12.50 each online or at Williams Sonoma stores.

Jonathan's signature truffles from Compartes Chocolatier - out of this world flavors like smoked sea salt, jasmine tea, lemon citron, spicy chili pepper, and raspberry rose. A 5 piece box is $12 or get 20 pieces for $38.

A jar of Devonshire or Cornish clotted cream, available at specialty food stores and Whole Foods Markets. Fantastic on scones or served with fruit, a breakfast treat from the UK.

Add a good book from Barnes and Noble or The Strand, you might try: "The End of Mr. Y" by Scarlett Thomas - $14, "Memories of My Melancholy Whores" from Gabriel García Márquez - $11.95, or "A Photographer's Life" by Annie Leibovitz - $50-$75. Oh - and don't forget "In Me Own Words: The Autobiography of Bigfoot" by Graham Roumieu.

Throw in a donation to the Humane Society and help save animals stranded by natural disasters or abused at breeding facilities. $5 to $500.

And finally, no gift basket would be complete without a homemade CD full of your favorite tunes. Hit up iTunes and download some great tracks. Then pick up the Avery CD Stomper kit ($21.99 from Staples) and create a perfectly personalized label just for your disc.

Enjoy!
~ Miss

Well Whaddaya Know...

Mary Cheney is pregnant. Yup. She and Heather Poe, her partner of 15 years, are set to be the proud new LESBIAN parents of a new baby. Of course, neither in Virginia nor in this country, which legally discriminates against same-sex families, are there laws to protect Ms. Poe as a full guardian of the baby that Ms. Cheney births. Too bad, so sad.

As much of the gay community, I have not been a big fan of Mary Cheney in the past, due to her never providing a voice about same-sex marriage rights (not to mention the fact that she works for a party and a president that I abhore). She obviously is one of the most hight-profile homosexuals in American politics these days. It seemed to me that she should offer some opinion. In her book published this last May, however, she finally offers up her views on the Federal Marriage Ammendment and she is - thankfully - strongly opposed to it. I haven't read the book (it is on the ever-growing "to read" list), but I commend her for finally speaking up.

I would like to wish Ms. Cheney and Ms. Poe a hardy congratulations and best wishes on the new addition to their family. May that child grow up knowing he has two parents and a family that love him very much. May that child grow up in a world with less hate, with more peace, and with the open and free life in a country that was founded on equality for all. May that child grow up and work against politicians like his grandfather.

peace,
Ms.

Where do you live again?

Test your geographical knowledge: Drop the State

See how many you can get right. I scored 88% with a 28-miles-off average.

~Miss

I'll be home for Christmas -- if only in my dreams...

Miss and I are traveling to see family for the holidays. Hers and mine. Two different cities. Three plane trips for us and a seriously robust cat, who will be shoved into a carry-on.

We've had some difficulty and confusion about our tickets with an airline which has proven to be the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. I won't name names.
(Delta Air Lines, Inc.)
I won't disparage hard working employees.
(They are all morons.)
I will list highlights of our experience with them. Perhaps you can relate...

* Customer service idiots.
* The really bad "Hold" music on the phone.
* Confusion based on "what the computer says."
* Re-telling the same long story to yet another nameless, faceless person who only cares about what time she gets off work.
* Paying $11 in parking at the airport, just to go down and spend nearly 3 hours talking with a ticket agent in person.
* Balancing whether to completely lose it and jump and yell like a person in a padded cell with a serious facial tick or to calmly smile and work a more sympathetic angle.
* That stupid button that lady is wearing that says "Keep Delta MY Delta!"
* Being told that we have to pay for a ticket AGAIN.
* My pulsing temples.
* A uniformed employee telling me he is there to help, and never looking me in the eye.
* Miss's reassuring hand on the small of my back, along with that look of hers that says "don't freak out."
* A pale bald man talking to a person on the phone, who is telling us - via the pale bald man - that we have already received paper tickets and now must pay a LOST TICKET FEE and a RE-ISSUE FEE, since we are saying that we NEVER RECEIVED TICKETS.
* Not being allowed to talk to the person on the phone that the pale bald man in front of me is talking to.
* Not being allowed to take a copy of - or even LOOK at the printed copy of our ticket mishap's "story."
* Actually wondering if I would get arrested at LAX for attacking an airline employee.

I'm seriously considering going retro and going by train at this point. All the same, there's no place like home for the holidays. That is if I don't end up in jail.


xoxo,
Ms.

Where's my minority button?

Bliss: weekend mornings cuddled in bed, coffee, NY Times, the cat (who, at 18.5 lbs, we have affectionately nicknamed "fatgirl") curled between us. Our second floor window looks out on a magnolia tree, and beyond that, an elementary school. It's almost noon. Ms. and I are tired after a long day yesterday riding Space Mountain at Disneyland. Life could be worse.
Between the Matterhorn Bobsleds and Splash Mountain Ms. asked me, "Do you think it's weird for people to see two girls holding hands?" I didn't think so, but in truth, I had been wondering the same thing. Did we attract more attention here, surrounded by a genuinely diverse crowd of American and international tourists, than we did in our Los Angeles bubble? For whatever reason, it felt so. "I think it's good," she said. "They see us, they see we're normal."
That's true, it is good, it's a large part of why we write this blog. But part of me wants to know when we get to stop demonstrating "normal" and get to just BE normal. Taking up a social cause is admirable when you're not also living the cause. When you're living the cause it can feel obligatory. This is not to discount the likes of African Americans fighting civil rights violations or Hispanic Americans leading protests against backwards immigration policy. To stand against discrimination is a laudable thing. But is would be a helluva lot easier to be able to turn off your minority factor sometimes. When Ms. puts her arm around me on The Haunted Mansion ride it's not because we're trying to make a statement to the Midwestern family sitting behind us. It's because I'm terrified of spiders.

That's one small step for gays...

Good news kids: yesterday on 11/30/2006, gay marriage was legalized in South Africa! That makes it the first country in Africa to recognize same-sex marriage as being legal.

Interestingly enough, this is the backlash from an extreme conservative move in 1994, when S. Africa drafted a new constitution after apartheid. It seems they included a clause which made same-sex union illegal. The blatant discrimination gave gay leaders plenty of fodder to fight and fight hard to repeal the law. The acceptance of the legislation happened a year ago, and it is FINALLY being implemented. There you go - almost thirteen years later and they did it. It's worth it to keep on this issue.

Unfortunately, this region is still very conservative in their general outlook towards homosexuality, so don't get the mindset that you should don your rainbow-flag wife-beater and Elton John sunglasses and take your next big OUT -N- PROUD party to S. Africa. I doubt you'd be well received. However, I do think this should serve as a reminder to us that if we take the very logical point of fact that a ban on gay marriage is pure, unadulterated discrimination, we can surely begin to set our own laws in place.

Keep your chin up! We can do this!

xoxo,
Ms.

Coopertive Cooperation

Ms and I have had a rough couple of days. Working with your partner, your spouse, is a great thing, and Ms and I have mutual admiration for each other's talent. But working together doesn't resemble the frolicking pillow-fights in our lingerie that you'd like to imagine it would. (Okay, perhaps sometimes it does.) And the last couple of days have been ripe with misunderstandings, short tempers, and trouble seeing eye-to-eye .
It's hard work hashing out two different creative visions for the same idea and not leaving one person feeling shorted in the process. In these last couple of days Ms and I have been trying to tackle the beginnings of a handful of pet projects and I've come to the conclusion that there are some basic rules one should follow when working with a partner -- especially when that partner is also someone with whom you share a bed and a bank account.
The first rule is that you must always, ALWAYS respect the other person's idea. Even if you think it's crap. Furthermore, even if you do think it's crap you must also listen fully to the other person's thoughts before you offer a careful, and clearly spoken argument against them.
The second rule relates to procedure. I have found it is quite beneficial, even for the most wildly creative personalities, to outline a method for organizing your work. If there is more than one project on the table then start at the "project" level and find a way to physically separate each of them. Write them on a dry erase board or stick post-its on the wall, something. Otherwise you can talk yourself around in big circles and manage only to feel completely overwhelmed.
And third, you should establish at the beginning of the process what method you will be using to cooperatively work together. Ms and I are writers. For us, it is not the most productive to talk through every adjective and punctuation mark. We work better writing individually and then merging ideas and editing each other's work. But that's not true of all co-writers, so find your own way. Really, most importantly, keep your priorities straight. If you don't have fun working with each other than it's not worth it. Even if you're both brilliant. Be brilliant on your own.

~ Miss

Shhhh don't tell him I'm Jewish!

Ms and I are total dorks around holiday time. We already have a tree. Imagine a giant douglas fir spilling over the backseat of a tiny convertible, "Jingle Bell Rock" by Lynyrd Skynard blaring from the Harmon Kardon speakers.

Yes folks, it's Christmas in LA.

~ Miss

Extra! Extra! - Rosie O'Donnell Single-handedly Sets Back Homosexual Progress

Rosie O'Donnell has done it again. Her angry-lesbian routine has, in my humble opinion, once again put a damper on any progress homosexuals have made in being seen as normal, non-freaks. Thanks a lot, Rosie.

In case you haven't heard, recently on "The View," Rosie accused Kelly Ripa of being homophobic, based on Ripa's comment to Clay Aiken that she didn't know "where his hand had been," after Clay uncouthly cupped his hand over Ripa's mouth in an all-too-ridiculous daytime television moment - on a completely different show. The incident would've come and gone, unknown to non Regis and Kelly fans, until Rosie decided to butt in and force feed us her overbearing, paranoid comment about a moment of a show on which she neither stars nor was a guest.

Let's first consider a BIG factor in all of this madness: Clay Aiken has never "come out of the closet" as being gay. Yes, yes... we all have our Gaydar needles blip into the red whether Clay is crooning his toons, or waving from a Christmas parade float - but we know that it is HIS business to choose whether to share his sexuality with the world. It is certainly not Rosie O'Donnell's, and she basically outed him by suggesting that Ripa was making some nasty reference to Aiken's back-of-the-locker room life of shame and sin.

Secondly, I wouldn't want anyone's hand on my mouth either! Since when did that become a reference to sexual activity of a lewd kind? Is Rosie's mind really THAT in the gutter? Kelly Ripa had every right to correct Clay's impolite action. Rosie had no right to comment on Kelly's handling of it, and she most certainly had no right to bring the entire homosexual community into it.

Finally, I ask myself - why does Rosie care? The thing I hate the most about this is it points out a factor which I always say is an invention of the likes of the Religious Right and George W's cronies: the dreaded "Homosexual Agenda." I don't believe there is a homosexual agenda. Rosie O'Donnel, however, has offered some evidence that there just may be... Why else would she be on such a campaign to right a perceived wrong? It is this kind of behavior that gives ammunition to Right-Wind hate-mongers, who would have homosexuals live as lesser humans.

I am a homosexual and I have no "agenda." My only wish is that I have the same legal rights in this country that every other person has. That's all. I am quite aware that in my lifetime I will never see a world of pure acceptance of my lesbian relationship. Do I mind? Yes. Does that hurt? Yes. Do I have a set "agenda" for "curing" the world of their ignorance? Nope. My "agenda" for my life includes a bunch of things: making a life with Miss, making money so I can pay my bills and buy some cool things, having children one day, enjoying holidays and vacations, having friends and cool dinner parties, helping those less fortunate than me, learning, reading, writing, etc. My agenda is my life. Not my homosexuality.

It's not to say I'm not an activist. I suppose in all technicality I am. I see it as my responsibility to live an "out" life as a normal and responsible adult, so that people at large can see that I don't bite. So they can see I'm not out to make the world "gay," or have pornographic sex in public places. I will write and educate those willing to listen about mine and Miss's completely nomral life as long as I can. That is my "activist" contribution. I refuse to stoop to the level of hate, temper-tantrums and mud-slinging that Rosie has. Thanks a lot, Rosie, for continually using your angry bulldozing method of promoting your "homosexual agenda" and making me have to work harder for my life. I really appreciate it. Really.

~ Ms.

Whoopee! I'm sad!

Okay, okay. It's all going to be fine after all. It turns out, I haven't lost my angst! See, with all of the getting along with my family, and being in love with a wonderful gal, I find that I'm - dare I say it? - happy. However, we all know that dysfunction spells C-R-E-A-T-I-V-I-T-Y and if I'm not sick of soul, what do I have to work with, people? What???

Sooo... as of this morning I felt much better, because today I am MISERABLE. I'm working on a show right now that has me traveling all over the country for the next month and I MISS MISS TERRIBLY! Don't you get it? I'm totally unhappy! This is great news, because now I can rest assured my pain and angst will keep me creatively inspired, and therefore - employed. At least at something other than say - being hired as an infomercial writer. Not that I don't respect infomericial writers. Seriously. Do you know how hard it is to sell concentrated cleansing products to stoned people at three in the morning? Then again, that IS depressing, isn't it? You know what? I think it's all going to be okay no matter what. There is still PLENTY of pain for me. Whew. That's a relief.

xoxoxo,
Ms.

I hadn't thought of this...

Just checking in to let you know that we DID return safely from the visit with the Fam, and it was considered a success by all involved. My parents love Miss and they have said that they've never seen me this at-ease with someone, or more happy.

So now I've gotta wonder - how can I be a creative genius without deep angst? Maybe I'll have to start working on the Lifetime Network - or worse -- write self-help books. Crap. Here I had to go and get all happy and stuff.

xoxox,
Ms.

Day Three - Taking it ALL in

All is still going well here in Parentville. Today Miss and I skipped out on the fam for the day and went sight-seeing in town. There are about six things to do, and we did three. It was a big day.

I find myself in a new space with my family now. In the past, when I've introduced boyfriends to my parents, I never cared what the guy thought -- only what my parents thought of him. I guess I was a "pleaser" kind of child. Hence, me waiting almost to the age of 33 to emerge from the closet. Be it age, wisdom, coming out, or simply finding true love - something has caused me to not care so much about their approval. I can't say I don't WANT their approval- of course I do. But this time their approval had no bearing on my own choices. This time, I am more interested in what Miss thinks of where I grew up. I want her to understand what made me - me. The good and the bad. To my delight, she's taken it all in with a sense of humor and without judgement, and perhaps come to understand a little more about me.

Also to my delight, my parents have taken in Miss with open arms. I understood this clearly today when my mother said, "Well, I guess I'm going to have a daughter-in-law that I didn't plan on - that's not so bad," and then proceeded to make us a fried chicken supper and my Granny-Great's favorite recipe for summer yellow squash. There's nothing like passing on tradition to new members of the family.

xoxoxo,
Ms.

Day Two - Bless your heart

(or - what I have learned about the American South)

1. Not all country music is bad. In fact, some of it is good, the songs about sex anyway.

2. Kansas city barbeque should have it's own spot in the food pyramid. Country fried steak is what they give inmates when they can't afford lethal injection. Death by carbs.

3. There is tea, and then there is tea. If you ask for tea in any state below the Mason-Dixon line don't expect to get a warm drink in a mug. Expect to get a giant glass containing roughly 1/2 sugar, 1/2 ice, and added tea flavoring.

4. People from Maryland think people from Atlanta are stupid. People from Atlanta think people from Alabama are stupid. People in Alabama have cows and they think they're perfectly good company.

That's it so far. You'd think I would have learned more but I've had a bit of trouble deciphering the accents. Ms. translates.

More later,
Miss